On Growing Old

In a few weeks time I will be sixty five.

Over the last decade I have gone from being middle-aged to senior citizen.My son says I am greying gracefully as my hair is now salt and pepper. Sometimes when I am at a social function and the question of age comes up, I am told that "its hard to believe". I normally take it as a flattering comment. It just occurred to me  that perhaps the person  meant that I look as if I am in my  eighties and was surprised to find out  that I was much younger. I will however give myself the benefit of the doubt and take it as a compliment. This is of course contradicted increasingly by the  forty year old parking car attendant or some similar aged person calling me "uncle ji "  Perhaps when my hair goes all white the I will graduate to "bau ji ".

We were abroad for a long period and  were away from our family.We missed the illnesses, deaths in our families and tended to be more casual about reaching out to friends and relatives.We did not quite appreciate how in India friends and family circle together at time of stress.Over the last few years we are gradually  beginning to see the fading of our parents generation.There have been  a number of deaths in our immediate family. We had relatives and friends who we had not seen for decades and friends with whom we had lost touch with getting in touch and in some cases showing up at the memorial services.This made us realize how lax we have been in terms of maintaining our relationships.

Frequently these days when we get together with friends and cousins,the conversation inevitably  turns to health, illness and similar issues.We exchange notes about specialist doctors-who is good and who to avoid? When the need arises and where we know the practitioner concerned, we make introductions to ensure personal attention is given.

On a more cheerful note since a lot of our friends have children who are working or settled abroad , we travel and share experiences and talk about our children ( and in some cases grandchildren).

 Increasingly we find our friends going off on cruises to the  Artic, Antartic and other exotic places.That has never appealed to me.I dread the cold and the  idea of being cooped up on a boat no matter how big it is , and having to socialize and make small talk to strangers.Even when we are at a social function with a large number of guests I hesitate to go around introducing myself. At my age I am quite contented with the circle of friends I have and do not see the need to network.

Because of my past health problems, I have to be careful about my diet which  is becoming a challenge. Until my early fifties I could walk away from desserts after dinner. Now to say no to a bowl of ice cream or a slice of apple pie, requires a sharp look from my wife. When we are on holiday with the children I often get reminded that  what I am about to eat is not good for me .Woody Allen got it right when he said " You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred ".

 It is interesting how your relationship with your children changes as they become independent and you get older. The roles get equal if not reversed. Instead of me telling my daughter to eat her broccoli I get told that vegetables are good for me and I should finish whats on my plate. I remember a few years ago on a family  holiday we had a discussion about my  need to pay more attention to my diet. We then  went down and I ordered a steak. I got a earful from my son.It was then I realized that roles were starting to change. How the wheel turns.

As I grow older I am reminded of  an incident during my Citibank Hong Kong days when I was in my  mid-twenties.I had just returned from a customer call. My boss asked me" How did it go?"  My response was " It was ok. He was a oldish guy  in his forties ". My boss  who was a natty dresser immediately preened himself and responded " My friend forties is not old ". It is now my turn and  I often quote a line from an article that "sixties is the new forties". After all look at Mick Jagger and Tina Turner, now in the seventies still cavorting wildly  on stage. Watching their performance on television, you fear they might clutch their hearts while the band is playing " another one bites the dust ".

I have to confess I feel no different mentally than when I was in my forties. Physically I might feel a bit tired then when I was younger. Of course this also works to my advantage when I do not  want to go somewhere.The excuse is I am tired or I need to rest. People tend to be understanding. 

A Guatemalan proverb best describes my thoughts on growing old " Everyone is the age of their heart."At heart I am still forty. Now if I could only have a bowl of  Haagen Dazs cookies and cream.